My Not-So-Little Secret

I’ve been keeping a secret. (Not a dirty one or a baby—so don’t get too worked up).

I would probably continue keeping it a secret if it weren’t for God (via my husband) pressing me to tell the “world.”

Soooo, here it goes…

I did this thing.

I wrote a novel. (Technically, a manuscript as it is unpublished).

A novel! Girl, whaaaat?

Yes. I know. I realize there may be some confusion, seeing as I currently spend a good deal of my limited free time photographing and editing for my photography business, in addition to ya know, raising a tiny human during the day.

Let me first explain why I’ve kept this a secret.

A. I feel weird telling people I wrote a book.

B. It sounds presumptuous.

C. Fear of never finishing.

D. Fear of failure.

E. Fear of not being good enough.

F. Fear of not being a “real” writer.

G. Fear of never doing anything with my manuscript

 

Do you see a pattern here?

I refuse to be fearful anymore. The fact of the matter is, I enjoy writing. Like freakishly enjoy it. I sit at a computer and can get lost in creating a story for hours. I’ll step away and realize I’ve written ten or more pages of content. (Which my husband repeatedly tells me a normal person doesn’t do. Do they not?) I get sucked into my story each time I go to edit it—which I also love doing. Editing. Honing. Sculpting it into something better and more exciting. So much so, that I’m not sure I’ll ever truly be finished. I also love critiquing other writer’s work and enjoy learning something new each time I do it. When I’m not writing, I’m thinking about writing, whether I’m plotting or working on character ideas.

The more I write, the more I desire to pursue it. I’ve been sitting on my manuscript for almost a year now. Though, I’ve continued to edit it and am still. Over the course of a year, I’ve been reading, researching, and learning how to become a better writer in addition to learning about publishing. And there’s a lot to learn! Just like anything else, there’s always room to grow. I’m not nearly as good as I want to be, but at least I can recognize that and continue to push myself further.

I am choosing not to have fear. God gave me a desire to write. So write I shall. I may never get published. And that’s okay. Even if I do, the majority of mankind may not ever read it. And that’s okay too. But I feel like if I don’t try then I might possibly burst.

 

(That was my big announcement, if you want to stop reading, I get it. Busy lives and what-not. But here is a bit of backstory for you.)

 

Since I was a child, I had the desire to become an artist. From the time I was ten and discovered a love for drawing, I too developed a love of writing. While other little girls were playing tag, swinging on swings, or chasing boys, I was the one sitting by the climbing tires with her closest friends composing what was surely deep, meaningful poems. (And yes, I realize how super nerdy that sounds.) There may or may not be journals full of said cheesy poems or ramblings of a naïve adolescent stuffed somewhere in my house. Maybe. You’ll never know for sure.

I love to create because writing and art have always drawn me closer to God. I hear Him speak into my heart more clearly through creating. I have used both my writing and art as a vessel to connect more to Him. Most often, I find what comes out on the canvas or paper is not of me at all, but of Him. I go into this alternate universe and come out hours later, feeling like mere minutes passed to discover I arrived at a destination I could have never imagined, to places much deeper than my own mind could dig. I like to think that’s the Holy Spirit using me as a vessel.

How did this “novel” come about?

Fast forward to the years of one of the greatest valleys in my life—attempting to get pregnant with Elsie girl. It’s funny how when you feel you’re at your absolute lowest, you can also be drawn that much closer to God. With disappointment after disappointment, my heart was continually refilled with God’s constant love. Within this period of waiting and expecting, I began to feel a stirring inside my heart to write.

After many late-night talks with my husband, we schemed a rough plot idea together. I was so excited yet completely clueless about writing a novel, but nonetheless, I headed to my computer and typed away, slowly forming the opening of a book. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant. My inspiration for the book stalled as I was often sleep-deprived and ill. Instead, I began blogging about those little “pleasures,” shall we call them, of pregnancy. This way, the world could perhaps join me in my misery…I mean, happiness. Kidding. Being pregnant was one of the biggest blessings of my life, I am beyond thankful for my little girl…despite how much I worried if my body could make it a whole nine months of such…joy.

Needless to say, my book went on hold until last summer when I was inspired and had the energy again to even look at it. And guess what?

It was total crap.

I realized I had no idea what I was doing, having dove in, oblivious to the rules of writing. So I began reading, researching, and learning about how to write fiction. I began attending two local writers’ groups, meeting wonderful and inspirational people along the way that helped guide and encourage me in the writing process.

I know you’re all dying to ask—what kind of book is it?

Well, for starters, it’s a romance. I’ve heard some authors are embarrassed about the fact that they write romance because it’s less “respected” than perhaps other genres. But honestly, I don’t care. I love writing about happily ever afters. If I could have the chance of making people happy through my writing—I’ll take it!

Anyway, the book is a Contemporary Christian Romance novel. And that’s about all you’ll get out of me. 😉

What now, you ask?

Not exactly sure. Revealing this mother-of-all-secrets is a massive step for me. One that I’m glad to be rid of the anxiety over the secrecy. It was getting rather hard to keep from telling people since more of my free time is becoming dedicated to writing.

For now, I’m taking each step as they come, as God guides me.

I know what you’re wondering. Are you going to get it published? And can I read it????

I’m right, aren’t I?

I’m still unsure if I will seek traditional publishing or if I will self-publish. Traditional publication can take years, not only to find an agent or editor that likes your story but also to get it into the hands of readers. But that’s a whole other can of worms for another day.

And yes. You can read it. When it becomes published. I know you’re dying of curiosity. But all good things come to those who are patient. Right?

For now—I will continue writing. Writing because I love it. Writing because God instilled the desire in my heart. Writing because I hope to share the love of God through the creative gifts He’s bestowed on me.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll be praying for me in this journey and be content with reading my personal blog posts here and there.

If I have any big news, I’ll be sure and share it. 😉

 

PS: One of the best ways you can support me (aside from prayer) is following me on my “writer” accounts via Facebook and Instagram. That way I don’t look like a total loser who has no friends to publishers. Mmmkay? Thanks! (Links for those are on the top of my website).

 

 

Writer friends: I’d love you a 1,000 times if you’d comment with your own personal reasons for why you held back on telling people that you wrote a manuscript. It’d be great to know I’m not alone in my crazy. Ha. Thanks!

 

(Feature photo: Patrick Fore)