Unplug and Get Connected

Have you ever been to a restaurant and looked around at the other tables, perhaps a group of friends, or a couple, or a family and noticed how every person at that table has their head down to look at their phone? Sometimes this scenario even includes children…I’m talking 7 and 8-year-olds with their own phones or tablets in their hands while their parents scroll or type on theirs.

My husband and I have encountered this numerous times. I don’t shake my head. I don’t stare at them. I don’t get angry or annoyed. I get sad. Truly. My heart breaks. Not only for that table of people and what they’re missing out on, but our society as a whole. Honestly, I’m a bit scared. I’m scared my daughters won’t ever experience the same kind of deep connection I found with my husband because the kids of their generation are too busy with their eyes glued to some kind of screen. I want them to have a real connection with someone that will invest in them as much as they invest in their video games.

I want more for them. I want more for all of us.

We think because of social media we’re more connected to one another than ever. But are we really? (There are, of course, exceptions to this statement as private groups can add value through deeper friendships, as well as other unique circumstances.)

But as a whole, seems to me we’re losing our connection to one another more than ever.

Instead of relationships that run deep with friends and family that know real things about us, everyone knows all the surface “stuff.” Our highlight reels.

Want to know when this sentiment really hit me? I was at a store and I ran into three people I knew on social media. I’d met all three in person. One I’d known for many years but hadn’t seen her in person in several years. She pretended like she didn’t see me. One I dodged because I didn’t want to make small talk. And one I couldn’t even remember her name. I recognized her face but her name escaped me. I found myself too embarrassed to approach her.

How sad is that? Three Facebook “friends” and I didn’t have a single in-person conversation with any of them. And I know for a fact, the previous week one had “liked” a few of my posts and I had “liked” hers. But apparently, we didn’t “like” one another enough to speak to each other in person? Yikes.

I’m sure you’ve had at least one friend who had to “step away” from social media for a while or at the very least cut back their usage. Perhaps that person was even you. Why is that, do you think?

Here are two of the biggest reasons I believe we distance ourselves from social media:

1. Highlight reels and comparisons are toxic. I’ve had more than one friend confess social media made them depressed. (I’m sure there are plenty of articles to confirm the accuracy of this.) My firsthand experience with depression due to social media came when we were trying to conceive and seemingly everyone and their dog was getting pregnant. Except me.
2. It is a time suck. We are constantly checking people’s status updates and pictures, including our own to see who said what and how many likes we got. Before you know it, an hour has passed and we’ve completely ignored our kids, our spouse, our household, our meals, our spiritual life, our health, over very lives.

We’ve got to do better than this. We can do better than this.

We should seek real conversations. Not “comments”

Our goal should be real connections. Not “likes.”

We need real relationships. Not Facebook “friends.”

Maybe this isn’t a struggle for you. I pray that it continues to stay that way. But if it is, here are a few things I implement in my own life to limit my social media usage (which I often have to check myself on).

1. Intentionally leave your phone at home. Some of you are thinking, “Girl, you’re crazy!” Trust me, I can very much relate to the anxiety you feel when your phone is not on your body at all times, especially when you leave the house. So start with small steps. Almost nightly (when it’s warm), my family and I go on neighborhood walks together. On most of these walks, I leave my phone at home (it also helps to wear pants that have no pockets). My husband typically has his phone so if my child were to bite it so severely on the sidewalk and we needed to call 911, we can. This allows me the freedom from having to look at my phone every few minutes and have the ability to completely engage in conversation with my husband and enjoy play-time with my daughter. Once I got used to doing it, I found it freeing.
2. Keep your phone on silent. When I was a teacher—a million years ago—I started keeping my phone on silent. Since then, it’s permanently been on that setting. So much so that the other day, I was waiting for a doctor’s office to call me so I turned my phone off silent. I didn’t even recognize my own ring-tone. By keeping your phone on silent, you won’t feel the need to rush to return a call, text, or respond to some notification from a social media site. This way, you can be the boss over your social media, instead of it controlling your life and your time.
3. Keep your phone tucked away during meals. This includes both at home and going out to eat. Since your phone is already on silent, this will be super easy to do. CHOOSE to take advantage of your precious time as a family to engage with one another and have real, meaningful conversations. Don’t just tell your kids to get off their devices, show them that you know how to as well.
4. Don’t sleep near your phone. I read this in a book or article and it stuck with me. When people go to bed and wake up, their phones are the last thing and the very first thing they look at. (Don’t get me wrong, I do it too. But I give myself at least 10-15 minutes of time to myself to start and close my day.) I’ve also turned off ALL of my notifications, so I can check my phone for important missed calls or texts, without having the need to go straight to social media. By doing this, it gives your brain time to rest before bed, perhaps allowing you more time to think and pray and clear your mind without having all the “junk” interrupt your ability to fall peacefully asleep. Same goes for your mornings, start your morning intentionally with prayer, reading, meditation, exercise, or a cup of coffee before you dive into other people’s worlds. For a moment, just soak in your own life.
5. Be intentional about your usage. I heard on K-Love once that one of the radio personalities only gets on social media while she is planking. PLANKING, PEOPLE! Obviously, she had to build up her ability, but she says she’s made it to 20 minutes now. What in the world?! Can you imagine the shape your body would be in? Maybe this method is a bit drastic, but it gives you an idea of what I mean. Set aside time to allow yourself to get on social media. Maybe it’s 10-15 minutes. Maybe you grant yourself even 30 minutes. And when that time is up, set your phone/computer/tablet aside and go on with living your life. Phones now come with this handy feature where you can set limitations on certain apps and it will notify you when you’ve reached your daily limit. Genius! When I discovered that, it certainly made me take a hard look at how much time I was spending on Facebook alone.
6. Don’t take pictures/video of every single moment in your life. This one is a doozy as I’m sure some of you audibly gasped, seeing as I’m a professional photographer. I value pictures and memories. But above that, I value people and time. Yes, your kids are uber cute. Yes, they grow super-fast. Yes, you want to capture everything so you’ll remember it. I get it. I do. Full disclosure: I have 15,000 plus videos and pictures—both with my professional camera and phone—of my daughter for just the first three years of her life. THREE YEARS! That is a ridiculously insane amount of pictures. I know. I also know that 90% of them she’s not going to care about. They were more or less captured for me. When am I ever going to have time to sit down and look at these said, 15,000+ pictures? I have no idea. But you know what’s even better than a photo? A moment. A memory. Do you think your grown child will say to you, “I wish you had taken more pictures of me?” or, “I wish you had spent more quality time with me?” Get the cameras out of your kids’ faces and actually play, have fun, have meaningful conversations with them. Be present with them, for them.
7. Prune your social media. If you continually see something that makes you depressed or unhappy or less-than, then delete it or take a break from it, or stop following that person. (If you need help with navigating how to un-receive notifications from people or sites—let me know, I’m happy to help). You are the boss of your own life and what you fill your mind with. If it’s not helpful or encouraging, then remove it.
8. Pick up the phone. Do you remember how phones used to be used for calls? Crazy, right? I’m still working on this one, but I’m trying to get better about having not only more in-person conversations but also phone conversations. Not texting and responding only when it’s convenient for you, but actually calling and hearing the phone ring as you wait and hope they answer. It may even be awkward, to begin with, but just power through. It will be worth it. Facetime counts too if you ask me. You might be surprised by what transpires during a random phone conversation and how good you feel afterward.

Hope you find one of these suggestions helpful, I need the reminders just as much as you might.

If you have some of your own habits you implement, I’d love for you to share them by commenting on this post.

Don’t let technology or social media control you. Take control of your own life. Be intentional about your use of time because it’s the one thing you can’t ever get back. Use it wisely.

Blessings!